I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
