i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
