I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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