last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
