Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
