DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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