New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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