I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize