Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
