3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My breasts were aching with rage.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
