Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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