this just has baby written all over it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
