i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
