Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
