Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
