dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
