I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
