I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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