Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
