walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize