what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
