He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
