Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
