I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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