i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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