Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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