I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
