I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
