its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
