So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
