he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
