Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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