bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
