You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
