I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
