vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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