I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Life is so much better after having sex.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
