how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
