You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize