I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize