Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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