Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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