WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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