I cockslap morals
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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