He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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