Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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