how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
