the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
