True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
