oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
