He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
