He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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