fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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