i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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