I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
