Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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