I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
