you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Terrible idea I love it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
