After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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