I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
True but thats because hes a fetus.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
