I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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