this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
