i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
