she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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