Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
