Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
