she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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