Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
