She just used a chaser for red wine.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize