I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
