I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
