wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
