Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
