what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
