It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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