i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
