JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
