i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
