Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
