AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
