she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize