Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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